Its All I Am

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I Am Back & Staying Powerful

I can stay my best & keep keeping. I did two spend to the in the hospital. I nearly died. My Mom gave me about of everything,it mightly. I longing for another another kitty of magical,a long one,and 1 that is everything I wanted,with a 4 bedroom house & 2 bedroom. I want it to be 1 or 2 bedroom & 2 to go,with luxury every.  I see big & beautiful over at facefoob,telling me to come over & look. I need the model one & I am ready to go look.  Please forgive me for talking all wrong.

mills11

 

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I Am I Am Over

I have been a in the hospital. I can’t talk much anyway & am doing very poor. I wish I could talk some more,but I can’t. 2 weekes in the hospital,chained to the hopstilal bed. Sorry if I am way off key. Forgive & I am sorry.

Brenda

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Unbearable Pain In My Toes

I don’t know what happened…2 badly beat up toes…not responding to meds. The pain is horrific…I want to scream. The busted up toes are hurting & burning. They are swelled,red,& stiff. Walking,standing,& sleeping is difficult. Its constant pain. My guess is I stubbed my toes on the laptop table in my bedroom. Now listening to subliminal vids,wishing to stop or ease the pain. I’m resting the busted up toes on a soft pillow. On a good note…I ordered a pair of terrific slip on shoes from Amazon.

kkkk14

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Anxiety,Depression…Mental Illness

Unless you have it,don’t tell us that do have it to snap out of it. Its an illness we can’t control or stop. We might can sometimes ease it & that’s as good as it gets. It can be triggered,but often falls over us like a busted rain cloud. You may see us as lazy or even dodging life. Its an illness that can’t be cured by a few hobbies or 1 big adventure. Its an illness that weakens us,leaving us powerless,helpless,hopeless,& confused. We aren’t lazy…we are sick. Its a battle,a fight that leaves us drained & exhausted. Our own thoughts abuse & torture us. Our thoughts are insane. We are suffering mentally & emotionally…& even physically. Unless you have this illness,you have no idea what its like & what it does. Its a cruel,heartless tyrant…an enemy that won’t go away. Fear sets in & sometimes becomes phobias & panic attacks. Worst case scenarios lock in. You worry excessively. Every problem is a mountain. Survival mode kicks in. At its worst you might become suicidal. You want out,but are trapped & powerless.

religious10

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Here To Clear The Mess

first off,I never said I had quit blogging. I don’t blog as often as I used to. I have great difficulty staying awake during the day & I am awake all night. When I am awake for the night I stay in bed,the only light being my salt lamp. My husband doesn’t allow me to get out of bed during the night. I lay there with my insane thoughts. Its something I am used to. When I get the freedom to choose my thoughts it can be a positive & exciting experience. I have anxiety & depression. I can’t control or stop this. I can use distraction to ease it & that’s as good as it gets. I am mentally,emotionally,& physically handicapped & can’t do many of the things I did when I was young. I have COPD,Sleep Apnea,& other impairments. 3 years ago I quit smoking,but my lungs remain damaged. I suffer with severe lung spasms.

I have help in cleaning my house. We are 3 adults living here. On the decent days I do what I can to clean house.

It is my mission to become rich. This is my project. My husband works & makes enough to provide a respectable living for us. I couldn’t work if I wanted to.

I want a big beautiful luxury home & to be supremely rich. My dreams are bold for certain & I won’t apologize for that. I currently own 1 of my dream cars.

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Old Age Thoughts

I was awake all night thinking about my age & growing old. I’m 54 but was feeling 104. I tossed & turned,stretched,yawned,& sat up on the edge of my bed. I thought about wrinkles & gray hair…about being old & dying. I felt so old. All sorts of old age thoughts. I was having an unbearable anxiety attack while severely depressed. I wanted to scream! The birds didn’t sing,not even when its was finally daylight. Those old age thoughts kept going,even after I had gotten up & went to the kitchen.

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