The Ideal House For Me

freshly built in a gated community

all rooms are large & spacious

covered front porch

beautiful sunroom

detached 4 car garage

big shed that matches the house

backyard is fenced with a white vinyl fence

nicely manicured lawn,front,back,& sides

house is single story

sky blue with white trim & nedium gray roof

living room

den

laundry room

dining room

kitchen

3 bedrooms

2 bathrooms

theater

gym

library

arcade

office

hardwood & marble floors

beauty & luxury

safety & protection

comfort & convenience

plenty entertainment & fun

home sweet home

fine

 

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Mentally & spiritually I am Motivated

I¬†want to diet & exercise. I want to read,journal,& blog. I want to clean my house,buy my groceries,cook my own food,& enjoy life. Unfortunately I am physically handicapped…suffering with COPD,Sleep Apnea,digestion issues,lower back pain,pain in my hips,& pain in my knees. I’m anemic,sleep all day & awake all night. I am 100 pounds overweight. I sometimes awake with severe cramps in my feet. That’s when a foot twist outward or inward & the toes curl. Standing or walking usually ends the horror & pain. That’s a time when I’m up & out of bed in hurry.

Tonight I am enjoying Kahlua White Russian & YouTube vids. I’m hooked up to my oxygen machine,in my dining room. I have fun size candy bars & a cheeseburger…& Gin. I deserve all of it. I am making the most of my weekend.

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Wednesday Confession

I don’t blog much anymore & when I do,I don’t have much to say. I am busy working to improve my health. I have Sleep Apnea,COPD,Anemia,& I’m 100 pounds overweight. I’m up all night & I sleep most of the day. I am living on toast & crave ice. On a good note…our air conditioner is fixed.

I no longer awake with insane thoughts & no longer have anxiety attacks. Mentally & emotionally I’ve healed,but physically I am much to deteriorated to do the things I used to do & wish to do. I think about it & think I can,but its impossible. I can’t take care of myself & I’m not going to ask my family to do things for me. I don’t want to be a burden.

hess2

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Sweating It Out

Air conditioner is broken. The Landlord isn’t doing a damn thing to fix it. The 4 fans we are using are blowing hot air. Eating ice,drinking cold water. We are at the bottom of the list for repairs. Its a hot,sweaty,miserable night. I use a fan & humidifier to get through the night. I’ve complained & nothing gets done.

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I’d Like To Return To God

with my health at an all-time low I feel the need to be with my Abba Daddy. I need the love,warmth,& protection. I need his help,healing,& transformation. All that my life & existence that had been,is gone…there’s nothing left. I’m like a fish stranded on the hot sand,beneath the summer sun. I can’t breathe,can barely move,falling asleep,no strength. I am surviving on toast & ice chips.

religious10

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Physical Deterioration…Steep Health Decline

I can no longer eat out or do my grocery shopping. I am living on toast. I am awake all night & I sleep all day. I knew it was coming to this & I fought to stop it. On the weekends my husband brings food home to me. Its all I can do to cook toast in the toaster oven. I force myself to get out & get my groceries for the week. The lung spasms are unbearable. The pain in my lower back,hips,& knees are horrific. I am suffering.

Angels3

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Living Sane At Long Last

Ever since using a Himalayan salt lamp at night,I’ve had no anxiety attacks & no depression. I am experiencing situations that would’ve triggered panic attacks,but I am living through them sane & strong,with courage & faith. I have peace. I feel normal. The irrational fears are gone. The worry is minimal…no more extremes. I don’t awake with insane thoughts. I am in control of my thoughts & feelings. This is a great place to be.

Pink candles and Yoshino cherry blossom flowers floating on wate

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