I returned to the world of dieting 5 months ago,determined to lose 120 pounds. It was a good start…I lost 20 pounds the 1st week,but I couldn’t continue eating that way…my health began to fail even further. It was a dangerous diet from years long since gone.
I spent those 5 months going from 1 diet to another…form fitting each diet to my favorite foods,which I continued to eat…calling it cheat days…days when I allowed myself to eat my favorites. It was a lie I used to make cheating innocent & harmless.
My menus consisted of dead foods loaded with sugar & other health hazards…& of course…I wasn’t losing weight. I wasn’t ready for the journey. I wasn’t ready to heal. Being obese & sickly…in pain, gave me an excuse to sit & rust…do nothing,but eat & sleep…snack on yogurt,jello,& chocolate pudding all day…& binge on booze all evening.
I had my excuses & the lies & put it all together to make it look like I was struggling to lose the weight. I was struggling with the weight & my deteriorated health,while eating the foods I loved…nothing wrong in enjoying the foods you eat,but I had not reduced the amount of foods I loved. There was always a reason to eat them…a reason that seemed harmless.
Eventually people started pointing out the lies & deadly way I was living. I scrambled for a new plan…a way to silence the accusers & critics. I’ve not found that plan. I’m not ready for the grueling journey to lose weight,but I think about it & include it in my dreams…& oddly enough…I still consider myself on that difficult journey. I am determined to get back on that journey,but I’m in no rush.