Other than school days my childhood was great. I was a creative,imaginative child. I loved the outdoors,loved horses,cars,& books,had lots of toys,& a collection of barbie dolls.
Family vacations were always exciting. Christmas & Easter were magical. As a family we’d eat out & attend fun events. My Dad raised pitbull dogs & he was a hunter. My Mom stayed home & took care of us kids & our home.
My 2 sisters & me grew up in the country. We grew up with dogs,hogs,chickens,& other animals,including a cat. We played with the girl next door & always had fun.
School days were traumatic,the grim reaper in an otherwise wonderful childhood. I didn’t feel safe in school & cried every morning not to go. My Dad would stand there with his belt in his hand,raging at me…red & swelled,towering over me,as if he wanted to kill me. It was that way every school morning.
In school I was forced to see a shrink & was tested for mental retardation. Nobody ever addressed the real problem…I was afraid & didn’t feel safe in school. I was insecure,suffering with an extreme anxiety disorder & deep depression.
In school I was shy,backward,& withdrawn. The other kids didn’t understand & so they did things that made the situation worse for me. Some of the teachers were mean to me.
Back at home Dad never showed love for us kids,his 3 daughters. He was never affectionate to us,never held us,kissed us,or hugged us,never told us he loved us. He did provide a comfortable living for us…decent home,an abundance of food,new clothes,lots of toys,etc.
I was 30 when I had my 1st ever conversation with my Dad. I was in my 50s when he finally told me he loves me.