that was me in the 80s,90s,& beyond…sex,booze,& rock n roll. I always ended up with drunks & weirdos. Men used & abused me. My heart was broken multiple times. I was a party doll,but I think I was looking for love…maybe someone to take care of me. You know,that little white house with the white picket fence…& my handsome prince. Take care of me,keep me safe,pamper & spoil me…love me. None of that ever happened.
Although I was sexually active I had hangups & carried an overload of guilt. I was raised believing anything that was fun or a pleasure was a major sin & would send me straight to hell. I was brought up Catholic. If it felt good it was a sin that put me in danger of hell fire. Even in marriage sex was a sin & forbidden. Poverty,suffering,& misery were virtues. Even in my adult years drinking booze & having sex was considered forbidden & sinful enough to send me to hell. I’ve lived my life in fear,shame,& guilt.