Yesterday I thought I was progressing. I had accepted what today will present. My son will be driving the Acura RL to look for a job. He’s 24 & its normal that he wants to work & make a living for himself. I want that for him. This morning anxiety has activated,kicking off worst case scenarios,fear,dread,& worry. I feel the way I did when I was a child,on a school morning. I was terrified,didn’t feel safe. I was overwhelmed. I was powerless,helpless,& there was nothing I could do to stop it. My Dad stood before me with a belt,he was red,swelled,& raging. My Mom forced me to go to school,a place I feared more than anything. Pretending to be sick & sobbing my hardest didn’t prevent that horror. I’m sure I felt abandoned & alone when Mom left me in that terrible place,with all those strangers. Well,how I felt then is how I’m feeling now. I want to tell my son all the reasons he should stay home. Maybe I’m feeling what I’d feel if I were out there looking for a job. Its not fair of me to allow my anxiety to complicate my son’s life. Its my anxiety,my depression,my stress,my worries. Its not my son’s responsibility to ease my anxious thoughts & feelings. He doesn’t have these disorders,mental illness. I want to let go,I need to let go.