Spent my youth on up till I was 53,thinking I was cursed. It never dawned on me,I had an extreme anxiety disorder & deep depression. I’ve never felt normal & at 1 point was labeled a Beyonder. Family thought I was in a shell…comfort zone. I eventually concluded I was cursed. Family wondered if I was retarded. I searched for many years for my purpose & I never did find that & my talents,if I had any,were well hid. I searched,analyzed,& prayed. Eventually depression was mentioned by a doctor & then would be forgotten like yesterday’s news. All my life has been chaotic & haphazard.
I’ve been called Bipolar & a drama queen & hated profusely for speaking out in anxiety rages. For the longest time I thought the depression was premonitions of pending doom & disaster & it terrified me. I’ve lived my life with relentless fears & have never felt safe. To this very day I go into panic when there’s a knock on the door or when the phone rings. I worry excessively & can be a severe burden to my family. The only times I have peace & quiet is when I am asleep.