I can’t even get into these unbearable thoughts. The day will come when I will be all alone. I know I’m being selfish,crushed beneath depression so severe it has me in tears. My future is dark & cold. Do I even have a future? Do I even want one? Who will take care of me? There’s no safety net. I can’t even find God. The darkness is thick,not even a flicker of light. That future loneliness is tearing into my heart,slicing my soul,killing my spirit. I don’t want this. I don’t want to end up all alone in this evil world,in this terrifying town,in this hellish neighborhood,in this old rental house. I can’t stop these insane thoughts. I am going to panic. I’d take a mood pill,but it makes me sleepy,but if I’m asleep I’m not thinking & feeling. I can’t be depressed if I’m asleep.