Its dark out there & those singing birds can’t cheer me up. Anxiety has activated. The darkness terrifies me. Yeah,I know,last night I was in a positive place with a source of strength,& I thought I’d be alright. Now its dark,I’m sober,& silence surrounds me. I will be paralyzed by fear until its daylight.
My son will be going out today applying for work. I will be alone with this anxiety & depression. That’s why I get so upset when he goes out applying for work. I am terrified of being alone,in this old house,in this spooky neighborhood,with extreme anxiety,& deep depression. As horrible as it is,I can’t expect my son to give up his future for me. He wants a job,a girlfriend,& his own home. He’s 24 & has every right to live a normal,healthy life. I am the one living with mental illness. Its not my son’s obligation to take care of me. Loneliness is brutal when accompanied by anxiety & depression. Its unbearable.
I received a message this morning…no magic will be given to you. All you have is what you now have. I know what it means,but am to tired to explain it.